That "Old Married Couple"

No direction for this post yet, but as normal, I feel that one will form

 as my thoughts come to the surface.  Sometimes the best things

written are the ones that form as you hit the keys or put the pen and ink to paper.   

July of 2011
 Stangler family Gathering
in Ely, MN

Another night here and another day gone.  My sidekick and Hubby has been physically absent for five days now, but has managed to send text messages and I've gotten a call each night (for which I'm thankful).  We spend the majority of our days trying to get under each other's skin while we're both home, but when we're apart we miss each other like crazy.  Maybe that's the way most marriages are?  Who knows, I never wanted a marriage like anyone else's.  I didn't want to become that "old married couple."  I think kids make you become that "old married couple"... as do responsibilities of growing up and putting the big girl/big boy pants on.

That "old married couple" we speak of... well, maybe it isn't so bad if you think about it, really.  What is the alternative?  I often wish, at times, that I could be that carefree woman and do whatever I want and be whoever I want to be (you know, the sexy ones you see on TV that are independent and adventurous).  But what would being that woman within that marriage entail?  If drinking, or going out to the bar is what that picture looks like, I guess you can count me out.  I got enough of that in college, and find that it isn't all that it's cracked up to be.  Besides, I'd rather put my money into a good, $10 bottle of wine, rather than a cocktail at the bar.  And a night at the bar could easily cost you $50, and that money would be better served in my children's college fund.  If being carefree means I'd get to be with whoever I wanted and have tons of friends, I am not up for that either.  I'm happy with my husband, he is my best friend and I don't want anyone else in my life or anyone to take his place.  The few friends that I have are genuine and most of them are my own siblings so I have assurance that they aren't going go anywhere.  In any case, they are obligated by blood to like me even on my bad days.

If it means that I'd get to travel the world, and go bungee jumping or go on some crazy adventures... well I didn't do that before I was married and so why would I expect to do that now?  I wouldn't have fun if I didn't have Tim to go along with me, he is generally my motivating factor to do any adventurous stunts anyways. 

Our first hike at the Grand Canyon in 2007 (or so)

Who else could get me to hike the Grand Canyon twice, camp in the middle of some Arizona mountains where some wild dog steals my shoes.  Or how about the time we went hiking miles up a mountainous ridge, under a waterfall, a journey that takes hours and much blood, sweat and tears (literally).  You find that once you get at the top, the 1000+ year old ruins that he promised would "take your breath away" truly does all of that and more and it's even more special because he made this crazy, adventurous hike with you; a journey that you would have never taken otherwise.  He has pushed me to my limits physically just so he could give me the sense of accomplishment that it serves and to show me some of this world's wonders, so I could share in the joys he felt when he saw them the first time.  This man knows me like the back of his own hand, and I wouldn't want our marriage any other way.

Statistics show that I have a 50% chance of making it to the end of my life with the same man I married three years ago this September.  How sad and depressing is it that we, as Americans, have such staggering statistics.  One of my college professors once told me, "It's when you start seeing divorce as an option that it becomes one.  If you take it out of the picture entirely, you'll make it through each fight and still love each other because you have to, there's simply no other choice."  Some of the best advice I've ever been given.  The other came about a week before we tied the knot.  We were out searching for a car to buy that would pull our U-Haul trailer to Arizona; our BIG move scheduled just two days after the wedding.  Tim and I had been at odds and it was getting stressful with just a few days before we were to be wed.

My sister called and felt the urge to confront me about something.  She asked if I was second guessing myself in getting married.  Truth was, I was scared to death and had thought several times throughout that week whether or not we were making the right decision.  This wasn't some small thing for us, being married came with responsibilities and commitments that I didn't take lightly.  When we said those vows, we were in it for the long haul.  She continued to explain that with her first marriage, it came and went and she felt no weariness or concern at all, she tied the knot and didn't think much more about it.  They were in love and that was all that mattered.  This time, with her new husband, she thought about it much more deeply.  They loved each other on a whole different level, getting married meant more to her this time and she was scared to death to take the plunge.  That she too had the same concerns, but thought that she was much happier in this marriage and that the concerns were normal, that it meant that you weren't taking this marriage or the commitment too lightly.  Whew!  I'm thankful for both of those tidbits of wisdom as they had reformed the way I thought then and have changed what paths I have taken since.  I try to pass the same wisdom to those newlyweds around me when the opportunity arises.

The Exchange of Rings, One of the Happiest Moments in My Life
September 27th of 2008

These three years of marriage have not been a walk in the park, to say the least.  We've both had our challenges, some more severe and difficult than others.  Tim has had to deal with some of my excess baggage and took it like a champ while I worked through some of the most difficult parts of my life.  He has been my saving grace and my rock all the way through.  I am not entirely sure that I would be as good of a person today if it weren't for his guidance, strength and PATIENCE (and I don't mean this big-headily, just that I would probably be a whole lot worse of a person).  I think and hope that the feeling is mutual, as I've heard him say, "You're staring to rub off on me and I'm coming around to your way of thinking," when talking about some of the more important issues in (my) life.  He makes me think about things more logically and I make him think more emotionally, working on that whole "empathy" concept.  We are complete opposites and think nothing alike.  We don't agree on much and agree to disagree on pretty much everything.  But we love each other and we love our babies as well as a deep faith in our marriage, our family and our God.   At the end of the day, these things are all that matter.

Right now, he's sitting over on the east coast helping with the hurricane relief.  I'm due in just four weeks now and we're hoping he's back by the 15th, as my little lady, Bella,  came a little bit early.  Some people would be mad that their husband left during such a time, but I can't help but be proud of what he's doing.  How many others would make this sacrifice?  Before he left, he patted my belly and whispered to his baby, "You stay in there and keep incubating until I come back."  With all of the kicks and pushing in there, I have to keep reminding Baby of their Dad's special request, but we're going to hold off until at least the 15th.  I give kudos to the husband and wives in Iraq and Afghanistan as well as their spouses at home.  It takes a certain person and a strong marriage to work through the distance, and I know how hard it is.  Tim and I were separated for nearly two years before we got married, he in Arizona and I in Minnesota finishing college.  And these two to three week assignments where he leaves home to aid in a larger cause, aren't any easier than before we were married.

So, I guess if I'm going to be an "old married couple", then I take that title proudly if it means I get to have the life that I have now.  I don't get trashed on the weekends or any day of the week for that matter, we simply come home at the end of each day and eat a homemade meal in the late evenings and talk about our day with small chat across the table.  I spend my days running after Gremlins, and change dirty butts for a living, and I answer to "Momma" or "Wifey", as is my title in this job.  When I'm not doing that, I am trying out the whole working thing and in that case I'm still changing dirty butts, I just get paid for it in cash instead of kisses (or smooches as we call them in this house).  My adventures, since children, have consisted of walks to the park and running after Bella in the grocery store as well as battling through church on Sundays. 

On the beaches of Florida, back when it all started.  Newly dating!
March of 2006 (or so)

I spend each night resting my head next to the same man and catch myself praying fervently and frequently that the good Lord holds us together so that when I'm 80 years old, wrinkly, gray and forgetful, I can look over and see him still and be as much in love, if not more, than I am today.  Being married, and living this way is a choice.  I may still get a little tipsy from a glass of wine every now and again, and we may go out on a date and forbid we ever get a little crazy and forget ourselves, but we're still that "old married couple" and darn proud of it.  I'll take this life over the alternative any day!  Cheers to all you old married folk!

The "Old Married Couple" 
The day of Bella's baptism and Tim being confirmed in the Catholic Church,
yet another exciting moment in our lives.  March of 2010