The end of a long, long, LONG chapter.

Well fancy meeting you here.  It's been... awhile.  The last two years with the Gremlins have been interesting to say the least.  Landon wasn't even a year old when I got a phone call, "We have you on the waiting list to start nursing school.  Just wondering if you were still planning on joining us this August in our ADN program at WITC?"  Well, that was a shock.  I was pregnant with Landon when we toured the WITC campus, and then it was suggested to Tim and I, while I sit there with a little girl on my lap and a growing bump that I wait until my kids were a little older, as nursing school may be too hard with small children.  I had heard the horrors about nursing school, so I took the suggestion and decided to not to be put on the waiting list for school.  Apparently that memo wasn't relayed, and now there I sat on that summer day with a decision to be made.  "Well you have about a week to think about it, call us back when you decide."  I called my Mom, my sister Lisa, and my husband, a bit frantic about the possibility.  Was it possible that this decision lay before me for a reason.

Well, obviously we took the seat and today I sit here with a nice little "RN" after my name.  It took me 2 years to get here, which doesn't seem like much, but it seems like a whole lot to me.  Two years!  I feel like I missed out two years of my children's life when they were in those precious first few years.  On my son's first birthday, I was studying. My in-laws came to celebrate, I threw a cake together, but had no intention of doing much because I was stressed out studying.  From then on, I took time off for birthdays from studying for at least a little while.  Christmas, birthdays, my birthday, Tim's birthday... well they were kind of put on hold for the last two years.  We went shopping on my birthday after I finished my first year, broke, and Tim picks up a 5 lb package of bacon, "Happy Birthday Dear," he joked.  "Oh thanks," I say sarcastically.  He has our son in his arms, "well we could go get you some flowers?"  I laugh, "defeats the purpose if I have to tell you get the flowers, and you buy them while I'm here."  We settled for lunch out with the family.  But meals out were how we spent our birthdays, we did more for the kids though.  We had too. 

But two years ignoring my kids, 4 to 8 hours of driving each week, the kids in daycare for 11 hour days, my husband being Mr. Mom, and my brain just on the verge of exploding, and wallah! I'm a nurse!  Everyone says it's worth it, you know, going to nursing school.  I think I have to get over it first to feel that way.  I just spent the last 72 hours sick and convinced I failed my boards, and now that I found that I have passed, I'm thanking God I never have to go through that again.  And I don't condone book burning, but man it felt good to burn my ATI books that I've been buried in for the past 3 months.  Almost like I was burning my demons, all the tears spent on nursing school, the time lost away from my family, and all the stress, gone just like that.  And throwing my nursing scrubs in was the icing on the cake.  Don't get me wrong, I love nursing.  But I love my kids so much more, and now I can fall in love with my husband all over again, and we can all get to know each other again.  And when I'm at work, I can take care of others and put into practice all that I have learnt the last two years.  And of course not feeling broke anymore and being the sugar momma of the household helps a whole lot to!  :) 

So to every other little Momma out there with kiddos that are young like mine contemplating nursing school, I have this to say.  Most of my cohorts had kids my age, and that's a bonus.  You are not alone when you are feeling depressed because your kids cry because you have to go to school again, or because they want to play with you and you just don't have the time.  A lot of those around me had little ones and we got through this together.  There are a lot of other experienced nurses out there that also went to nursing school when their kids were little too.  They say it's worth it and that these little ones won't remember this very chaotic time.  What they will remember is Momma able to take time off when it matters, mom not being stressed about money anymore, and proud cause my Momma is a nurse!  Nursing school was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life because I had a hard time accepting that fact, and still trying to.  School was hard study wise, because it matters if you know your stuff, you can't just memorize it and then brain dump the info afterwards because you need to be able to apply this throughout your career (and for boards).  You have other people's lives, loved ones and their health in your hands.  That in of itself is difficult, but from someone who isn't the smartest cookie, I can honestly say its doable.  The kid part was way harder.  But that too is doable, because obviously I just did it.  I'm a big baby when it comes to difficult things in life, just ask my husband.  I complain, and moan, and B****H.  I almost cried the day of orientation.  "What brings you to nursing?"  I say all nervous, "I'm doing this to prove to my kids that they can do anything they put their mind to, but mostly I do this for myself.  Because I need to prove myself wrong, and show myself that I can in fact make it through nursing school.  And boy did I grow in proving myself wrong, and I stand here an entirely different person.  I believe my husband can vouch for that as well.

And thanks to everyone who made it hard, because I can say that I worked for what I have right now.  I'm proud, I'm strong, and I'm an RN!