When Tim and I moved to Arkansas, we were excited to find that they had an affordable gym in the area. It cost our family of five, $300 for a year's membership to a weight room, gym, indoor walking track, outdoor running track, a small water play area and play ground for the kids, and an indoor fitness room. In Wisconsin, there wasn't any affordable areas for us to get away and have fitness facilities at our ready. We had the outdoors, but there is something to making yourself go to the gym and putting money down to use it, you feel compelled to get your money back by its use. We also rotate our time, he goes in the morning, and I go in the evening after he comes home from work. We get time away and work on ourselves for an hour or more and are much better at home because of it. We enjoy outside time too, but it's in the upper 90's right now for temps, and neither of us feel up to going out and killing ourselves in the heat. I do look forward to some hiking and outdoor activities this fall, and even this winter. Here they don't get much snow, if any, and that opens up far more outdoor opportunities than we ever had in the north.
As for my own fitness journey, it's a roller coaster. I truly am fighting a food addiction and dependency. I use food for comfort, boredom, and for feelings of uncertainty. I even eat more when I'm tired. My fitness journey encompasses my mental health, sleep patterns, and finding something that motivates me. Saying that I am getting healthy for myself is a great start, but it often is not enough to motivate me when I have days that I am "low" and I have a hard time caring enough for myself. Those are the days I reach out, I get support from loved ones. My mother inspires me because she is such a beautiful person and she often times can talk me into feeling better about myself and caring. She has been my best friend and most sincere ally of mine since I was young, and I have always felt I could confide in her. I am fortunate that I could find that within my own mother, and hope that my children feel that way about me as they grow up and seek comfort in others and need a confidant. My middle sister is my twin from another birth year. We look identical, just a few years of distance between us. She is very fit, healthy, and eats right. She looks more beautiful than ever because she not only takes care of herself physically, but continually works on herself from within as well. She is often seen sporting a "can-do" attitude, and almost always has a smile on her face. My husband is my side-kick, and is also working on his health. Finding a support system is huge.
Another thing that I am trying new this time around, that I feel is truly going to tip me further into health and fitness is the ability to forgive myself. This is going to be a life long process. If I go out to eat, eat a candy bar, or drink a soda, it doesn't have to be the end of my journey. Did you know that the chosen symbol for depression is the semi colon ; ? The idea behind the semi colon is that the person with depression chooses to not have depression be the end of their story. As the author of their own lives, they choose to place a semi-colon, where they could have put a period; signifying they chose to live on and further their story where the could have ended it. As a person that fits this on a daily basis, I feel this fits not only the depression, but my ability to forgive myself. I ate a candy bar last night, or maybe I ate two; and today I did better. One mistake, one piece of cake, one meal at Sonic, or a few bad days does not have to be the end, but perhaps another opportunity to start anew. I also have decided to give myself the freedom to have some space to eat something unhealthy every now and again if I chose to. It is very unrealistic to believe that I will never have sweets, as I truly enjoy them. The key is to not eat as much, and to realize that it can't be what drives all of my hunger and my meals.
I also refuse to go on a "diet". In fact from this time forward, I refuse to even mutter that swear word. The "D" word may make you lose weight, but are often unrealistic in long term health and fitness. I refuse to spend a ton of money on shakes that make you poop like gooses, meals portioned out for me and placed into a carton for me to eat (that are good until say 2030), or powdered fake protein candy or bars that taste like chalk. You've got to be kidding me... this is supposed to replace a candy bar? If I have to force myself to ingest it, how I am supposed to make it into a change that sustains and continues? I also can't go hungry. I refuse to sit in a house full of food and remain hungry because my "D" word tells me I can't eat any of it. Absolutely not! Instead, as we ate the food in our house, we started replacing it with healthier food options.
We go grocery shopping about twice a week. I plan my meals, and at each meal there are tons of veggies, fruit, and a meat. Then there is always something else, like a roll, rice, bread, baked beans, noodle salad, etc. Right now I am working on paying attention to portion sizes. You can literally eat cups full of vegetables and never reach the point of over eating. I pay attention to portion size so I can better empower and educate my food choices. So I eat a lot of veggies, because I can. Veggies also help your gut, they help colonize the good bacteria in there, and if it's a problem, they also help you poop by adding fiber. Then I eat the fruit on my plate, that's like your instant energy with natural sugars. Then I eat my protein, meats, etc. for long-term energy. Then, if I'm still hungry I may delve into carbs, but at this point, I've eaten enough of other things that I am not as hungry so I don't eat much of it. I allow myself to make my food taste good, so I do use salad dressings (within healthy reason) and butter to eat and cook with. End result, I lost about 10 pounds in a month just by choosing to eat healthier. I've eaten occasional junk food in-between, just not every day.
You also need to start moving, whether it be at the gym, walking, or housework. To be truly healthy, you should be walking 10000 steps a day.
Now on the other end of the spectrum, I have been in a "low" for about four days. I have not been to the gym, because even if I did, I wouldn't last long there before my brain tells me to just go home. This is my depression, and I fight it daily. On any given good day I can easily walk 10000 steps and eat healthy, on a bad day I reach maybe 3000 to 6000 steps and will most likely opt for fast food because I just don't care. This is where the forgiveness sets in. I've eaten chocolate, ice cream, Taco Bell, and Sonic in the last four days, and I haven't been to the gym. Today I am starting to feel better, and I refuse to let this define my future, my journey. I will start over and pick up where I left off, because this is not where I end it; tomorrow I will be better.
I am not on a diet; I am on track for a long-lasting, healthier choice of lifestyle. (okay so I said the "d" word twice... I forgive myself for that too.)
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