Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Starting Anew

Life, I have found, comes in waves.  Days can pass and nothing happens, and then life hits you at full force and everything happens all at once.  Life has hit once again.  Our third son was born this April, he is now three months old and growing quicker than the first two it seems.  Everything appears to come and go quicker than it used to.  I often wonder if time continues to speed up as we age; I think it probably does.  But in the past three months the husband received a new forester position in Marianna, Arkansas, we had a baby, we moved, we're working on selling our house (well sorta), and now I'm currently working as a stay at home mom until an RN position falls in my lap.  I have to say, being a stay at home mom is a full time job, and harder than going to work.  Bella is in kindergarten, Landon is going to 3 year old kindergarten, and Dawson, much to my own heart ache, will be in daycare when I start working.  Which means breastfeeding will most likely be out the window, a decision I would have frowned upon pre-baby years.  It amazes me that as you experience things, your focus shifts, certain things become irrelevant, other things more important, and you spend time pondering on things you said that were quite nicely put, bum-hole things to say.  For instance...

After two attempts at childbirth, I realized that with my third, I was my own kind of Wonder Woman and I could do the whole process all natural.  My first baby girl was 7lbs 2.1 oz., Landon my second baby was 8lbs 8 oz.  I was almost ready to deliver and I decided on epidurals.  Me, running my big know it all mouth, stated, "I don't know why women scream through child birth.  I made it to the end of my births and remained silent."  Mind you, the furthest I was ever prior to medication was at 8 cm, I got an epidural, and then had my son a short while later.  So again, Wonder Woman, decided she could do it all by herself.  WOW was I humbled quickly.

I made it to 8 cm... and stayed at an 8 for over two hours until Dawson, my 8lb 9oz baby, entered this world.  That did not occur until after I was refused pain medications because they thought, "She's going to go any minute", as I delivered and passed through the stages of labor with my other two quite quickly.  Because believe me, I was crying and begging for them before the whole process was over.  And I screamed during childbirth, to my utter and complete embarrassed self.  And I became humbled at that point, and apologized to all the true Wonder Women who gave birth the natural way, and did so with far less overall complaints than I gave.

And I tip my Momma Hat to all those "naughty kids" in the store that I used to lift an eye brow at (prechildren years); after all, can't you control your children better?  Have you heard of discipline?  I again, humbled, smile to myself at this.  As it was just a mere two weeks ago... I check out at Walmart, my 2 1/2 month old screaming in his car seat, and my two older children are where?  Oh that's right... they're in the entryway of the Walmart, wrestling on the ground, full force, Landon smiling proudly as he pins his sister on the ground.  Me, quickly sliding my debit card and trying to get out of the store to spare any dignity I had left.  So as customers carefully side step around my two older children, I swiftly grab both hands, pull them off of the ground, place one in the cart, the other I drag out of the store screaming as I hold her hand out to the van, uttering promises for when we get home.  I have a firm, but gentle hold of my daughters hand and she screams all the way through the parking, "Stop, stop, you're hurting me!"  Again mortified, as it most likely appeared as if I was attempting to abduct my own children from the Walmart store.  At that very moment, I probably would have tried to return them to the store, but I think they would have denied me any refunds.  I now vow to only go shopping if absolutely necessary with all kids, or with the husband as my own children are just too naughty to be in public with just me. 

My kids are also the ones that never let me talk on the phone for more than a few minutes without disruption (a sincere apology to my own mother, as I know we did this to you).  They throw tantrums in public places, cry for chicken nuggets from McDonalds (because we do that too), are bribed with icecream to be good through the store or church, and a many other things that I remember thinking that my kids would just simply never do.  End point, life humbles you.  We've come a long way.  I started this blog to express my joy of motherhood, which I still feel.  I still have joy with this very stressful job of mommy life.  But I can now express some of my heartfelt woes as well, and some experiences that will prove that, as much as we try, we are not perfect (as much as Facebook says otherwise).  And really, don't talk unless you've walked the walk, had that baby, experienced that pain, sat through church with kids, and walked through Walmart with three small children.  How, my own mother, are you still sane?

But some new priorities have come afloat as of late.  We moved here for my husband's job, and I hope to support him in this.  I truly hope this experience for him gets him to where he wants to be.  I hope to move into a hospital RN position.  We both want to educate and love our kids to death, and provide them with amazing experiences while we're down here in AR.  Our focus is on our children and to be better parents.  We strive, for perhaps, a more simpler life so that we can focus more on the things that matter.  Before we left Wisconsin, we sold a lot of our clutter, and that was incredibly freeing... you should try it some time... simplify life!  Mostly we want to focus on our marriage, as that trickles down and ultimately affects our children.  Mom and Dad are happy, then babies are will be happy, and as a result, life is good (if only it were that simple).  I'm looking forward to looking into the church down here and immersing ourselves in that.  And as for myself, I have some personal goals.  I have gained quite a bit of weight since marriage, and I hope to find a healthier me.  I want to do so without having to drink crazy shakes, completely limiting my food options, and starving myself.  I want it to be a life long change.  And writing inspires me to work towards my goals, so perhaps you'll hear a bit more from me as I find my way through all of these new and old adventures. 

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